Carrying the Cross of Christ

Carrying the Cross of Christ…

Regret…hope…uncertainty…desire…my will…God’s will…all these mixed emotions and thoughts run through my mind a month and a half after breaking up with my boyfriend of almost two years. Throughout my life growing up as a Christian, I often heard the term “unequally yoked” thrown around when talking about dating. I always heard the advice about not dating a non-Christian. And to be honest, that advice is obvious and easy to follow. Almost like “duh.”

But what happens when you begin dating a strong Christian with potential, but he loses his passion and desire for the Lord? What happens when you have dated someone for two years and God is first in your life but fourth in his? How long do you give them to get “right” with God? Does it matter because at least they have the same religion? What do you do when you think they will be “right” with God in a couple of years?

I have no idea. I decided to end my relationship. To be completely honest, I thought ending it would fix it. I assumed my breaking up with him would cause him to search for God. As I sit a month and half later with no boyfriend, I am filled with the many emotions listed above.

I have come to realize that this is part of bearing the Cross of Christ. Quite often when we hear that phrase we assume it means being persecuted or dying for your faith. But I believe it means breaking up with someone you love because Christ is not the center of their life. Do not confuse this with using God as an excuse to end a relationship. Do not use God as a cop out. It is a completely different situation to give something up you want for the sake of Christ. And it is not easy. I cried myself to sleep many nights because I was sad and lonely. Everyone around me seemed happy, and God was not the center in their life. If I did not care about God as the center in my life, then I could be happily dating my boyfriend right now. But I knew that I had to love God more than my boyfriend. I still have to trust that if God wants us to be together then He will get a hold of his heart and bring us back together, and if not, then he has someone better in mind for me.

And how do I know that I will find someone better? What if he is the best for me? This I struggled with as well. But I truly believe God knows the desires of my heart and has more to give me than I can ever imagine. God wants my whole life including my dating and married relationship. If Christ is not the center of his life, then he is not right for me. It is as simple as that. God will provide the best if you will let him. The best is not someone who does not love God. It is important to remember the phrase “if you let him.” I have a friend who got married soon after high school. Her husband was not a great guy in high school. Yet, she chose the temporary happiness of dating and getting married to someone she liked and was comfortable with. Two years later, I run into him from time to time out late and smelling of alcohol and smoke while she sits at home with their baby. Some people cannot make the hard decision to end it and wait for the best.

Now it is important to remember when waiting for the best that I am not talking about tall, dark, handsome, smart, athletic, etc. Rather it is when you feel that this person is someone that you love and want to spend your life with as well as the goal of the couple is to serve and honor Christ. I had someone who I loved and wanted to spend my life with but as a couple Christ was not the center. Therefore I ended it and am waiting for the best when I can have both. My friend from high school chose to keep her relationship even though only one factor lined up.

I know all of this only helps a little. Trust me…I wrote this and I still cry because I get sad. Sometimes what helps me is to think of what God may be doing in the situation. For example, sometimes I wonder if God is going to use this situation to grab a hold of my ex-boyfriend’s heart and do great things with his life (whether we end up together or not), or what if God needs me to be single in order to meet the “best” guy next week, or what if God is using this break up because he wants me to write this book so it can change someone else’s life, or what if God wants to me marry someone who is passionate about children with special needs so we can open a clinic and help children together…God can move mountains so believe He can move a few bumps in your life.

Be honored to carry the Cross of Christ. It hurt on the Road to Calvary so it is supposed to hurt now. It is not easy, but trust that better is yet to come.